My Ropeburn Looks Like A Flesh-Eating Virus
As part of my preparations for the upcoming physical challenges, and general ongoing quest for a more perfect ass, I have been doing Crossfit workouts. If you aren’t familiar with Crossfit, it is a semi-new workout program that has gyms opening up all over the world and, to use a phrase which you will see in every single article you will ever f’ing read about Crossfit, a “Cult-like following.”
General point in any case for current purposes, the workouts hard yo!
They’re also pretty creative and good for real-world activity translation. For example, you may do sprints which will help you beat your friend trying to cover you in the annual turkey bowl (asshole). Or you may do kettlebell swings, which will help you when you need to swing something heavy and kettlebell-shaped.
Earlier this week I went to Crossfit South Arlington and did a “customized” workout. Basically this means that the coach makes it up as he goes along, and hardly even pretends that he has any design for it other than adding things until you look worried enough (the trick is to look worried at like the first thing *wink*!!!). On this particular day, he included rope climbs. I don’t want to get bogged down in technical jargon, but this exercise entails climbing a rope. It really wasn’t too bad for the first few, but after going through the other exercises and getting back to it a couple of times (most Crossfit workouts include several movements–you Globo-gym people might call it a type of “circuit” training (that’s what we Crossfit people call you… Globo-gyms… don’t you feel foolish)), I was pretty exhausted.
I have watched others do rope climbs and seen a pic here and there of how you can grip the rope with your feet to help hold and push yourself. In response to the failure of my arms to register and obey signals from my brain, I tried to do the foot-grip thing, and was able to do it well enough to finish the remainder of the rope climbs for the workout.
As I was finishing up the other exercises (in this case thrusters and burpee box-jumps), I noticed that my ankle skin was releasing a viscous red liquid. If you guessed blood, you are correct, but that one was pretty easy so get over yourself. Turns out I was gripping the rope with my ANKLE and not the bottom of my foot, which is, apparently, the preferred method. And due to the fact that I wear and endorse New Vibram FiveFingers (free stuff?) the rope was on my bare skin and f’d my ankle up. So, I guess the moral of the story is: climbing ropes gives you ankle herpes.